‘’A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval’’ Mark Twain
When you’re lacking in self-confidence, you are anxious with every step you take, worrying what other people think all the time. It’s exhausting!
When I started working with a coach she asked me a question ’’What matters to you the most?’’ I knew that I love people, but I realized that it was all about ‘’what they will think about me’’. The priority in my life was to make sure I’ve got other people’s approval. No surprise I ended up depressed.
I’m sharing with you these 5 simple ways to build your self confidence so you can break this pattern and save yourself from a breakdown, depression and even divorce.
Imagine feeling good about yourself, doing what you love... trusting that you know what’s the best for you and not worrying what others think. Oh that would be an amazing feeling!
Believing in myself and having the confidence that I am worthy and good enough changed my life completely. Now I’m not beating myself up in my thoughts, I am going for my dreams. I’m following my heart as I trust myself.
I am happier and even my relationships with other people improved. Because when you are true to yourself, when you are fully yourself then other people connect with you,
they see you passion and they love you for who you are.
So let’s dive straight into it. Here are the 5 simple steps that you can start following now.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to do any daily affirmations, I’ll ask you to do a proper work that is scientifically proven.
1. Build your skills and increase your competence
The easiest way to increase your self-confidence is to learn more. Whatever you feel like you are lacking at, whatever skill it is - you can improve it. We live in the age where all the knowledge is available for everyone. Even for free! You just need to find it and implement it. So if you feel like your public speaking skills are crap or communication skills or whatever it is, get an audiobook or the video on youtube on this subject and listen to it whenever you are driving or tidying up. Hahaha you see... no excuses! You don’t need any extra time or money to do it! You just need to commit to it and do it. And then notice your progress. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know you may want to dream big, but notice every single step you taken to improve your skills. The more small steps you take the closer you are to reach your big dreams.
2. Understand yourself. Give yourself the empathy
Did you notice the way you talk to yourself? If you are late, you are constantly reminding yourself ‘’oh, you can never be on time’’, when you’ve done something wrong the first thought you probably think is ‘’you are a failure’’ or ‘’you cannot do anything right!’’ …you are very harsh on yourself.
Imagine if you were treating your friend like that. Imagine that your friend is late for the meeting with you and when they arrive you keep saying: ‘’you are late, you are a failure, you are late, you are always late, you are late, you are late..’’ You say things like that to yourself! ...but you would never be like that to your friend, as you would lose them. So don’t be surprised if you don’t like yourself. Who would like somebody who keeps moaning about them all the time?
Give yourself the empathy. When you make a mistake, instead of telling yourself off, understand yourself. Remember, that you’re a human being and notice what you’ve learnt from the mistake. Maybe something great happened because of this mistake. Treat yourself as you would like your friends to treat you.
3. Look after yourself and rest
There’s nothing worse than being tired and trying to do something for others.
Most of the time these people would rather have you relaxed and happy than tired and frustrated. You are better for others when you’re not tired. There is always something in your diary that you can remove. Is it going to be the end of the world if you’re not going to do the washing up Today? No, and it’s not your priority. You can make up the time to relax and rest, you just need to want to do it.
This is such a basic thing and you knew about it already. But you usually wait until your body reminds you to rest bringing massive headache or a flu. Be smart, rest before it knocks you down! Do something for yourself, start from attending a workshop, like the one coming up in Manchester soon https://fulfillinglife.eventbrite.co.uk <--get your tickets here
4. Accept compliments
Have you ever heard from somebody ‘’ooo, you’ve done your hair, you look very nice’’ and you responded ‘’I just washed it’’ trying to be funny? Have you ever heard somebody saying ‘’your presentation was amazing’’ and you responded ‘’I completely forgot what I wanted to say. It could have been a lot better!’’
Is it too hard to say thank you and register that somebody likes something about us?
Wouldn’t that person feel nicer if you would smile and accept the compliment?
Wouldn’t you feel better?
Try it next time, whenever you hear something nice about you, just say ‘’thank you.
Just a thank you and a smile. You will be amazed with a difference.
5. Acknowledge your greatness
Have you ever accomplished something and jumped straight into another project?
...like ‘’it was nothing special really?’’
Like what you achieved already is not enough anyway, so you set another goal and work on another thing.
How is this nurturing you? It isn’t! And as much as a flower needs the water to survive, as your mind needs nurturing to help you live a happy and fulfilling life. Spend some time every day noticing what went well for you, what you have accomplished.
Pat yourself on the back. You're working so hard!